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Finding A Perspective

Some of you may be thinking after reading my last post: "what a whiner!".  "Think of the 70lbs you have lost Sonya!" 

What I do know is that I have received allot of support from people and here are a few messages that were sent to me (hope those who sent me stuff don't mind me posting this - I didn't use any names and I won't unless I have your permission):

"- trying not to be too personal but looking at the wt loss chart, I also wonder if there is a cycle involved in the loss, about every 4 weeks you seem to do a plateau - a little bloating around AF maybe??? Don't beat yourself up regardless - you are doing fabulously!"

"- Hey, I know when I'm doing WW I have my weigh in day on Friday. Somehow using the extra points over the weekend and getting back on track during the week evens things out for me. At least I like what I see on the scale instead of getting pissed (I had monday as weigh in at one point and changed it). You are doing great and are such a positive influence. Stop being pissed, damn it!! Take care!"

"- Still Amazing! Ups and downs happen and You are in a faaaaar Better place than you were say a year ago!! :D Don't beat yourself up tooo much! ;D "

"- Sonya, you 've done such an amazing job up to this point! don't beat yourself up."

"- Exercise is not always fun and motivating and you will go through times when it just hurts. Sometimes our exercises are energy filled and motivating and the pounds float away. Other times, we just suffer through and push ourselves to take one step at a time. It is those days that show you who you really are and those who keep moving are the ones who will succeed. You can do this."

I must say I can be critical of myself at times and I love consistency.  When I'm consistent at doing something well and then things don't turn out as planned I get pretty upset with myself.  In the big picture way of thinking I need to not get stuck in the negative moment as that can lead into a downward spiral of negative thinking and behaviors (stuffing my anger and frustration down with a cupcake - feeling bad about eating the cupcake and then eating another cupcake or other type of indulgence to feel better - repeat). 

This morning I went to the gym and met my friend G~ who will be running with me in a 5k and 12k.  We both had the goal of 4 miles.  My plan is as always:  run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute. Around the 2.5 mile mark I was wanting to give up.  I wanted to jump off the machine, cry in the bathroom and admit defeat.  I couldn't keep the pace of running for 5 minutes and walking for 1 minute (granted three weeks ago I was running for 10 minutes and walking 1 minute for 33 minutes).  I felt a little bit sore from my workout yesterday but nothing terrible.  I also got a full night of uninterrupted sleep ( 8pm - 6am - I fell asleep getting M to bed last night).  For breakfast I had 2 dates, 1 egg, a piece of whole wheat toast and coffee; for my snack I had an apple and 6 almonds.  For some reason my energy just didn't feel like it was there (my disappointing weigh in today I'm sure wasn't good for my mood or motivation). 

My friend G~ was on the treadmill next to me and she told me she was going to do at least 3 miles no matter what.  The words "no matter what" resonated with me.  I said to myself "just do the 4 miles NO MATTER WHAT!" - EVEN IF YOU WALK THE WHOLE WAY JUST DO IT!  After I took the pressure off of sticking to the run for 5 minutes walk 1 minute I relaxed a little bit.  I sometimes would run for 2 minutes then walk for 3 minutes or run for 5 minutes walk for 3 etc..  I didn't keep track of the time I just did what felt right for my body in that moment.  If I felt like I had the energy to push myself a little and run I did.  When I felt like my energy was gone I would walk.  Then I would repeat the cycle all over again.

As I was getting close to the end around the 3.6 mile mark I decided I was going to run the rest of the way.  I pushed myself and I succeeded!   Thinking back if I got off the treadmill at the 2.5 mile mark I would have hated myself and been miserable the rest of the day.  Instead of feeling bad I left the gym feeling like I accomplished the goal I set out for. 

My friend Nancy, said in yoga class the other day: "find your edge and then take a step back".  My edge for today was running for 4 miles and by taking a step back I did a little more walking than I originally planned but I reached my ultimate goal of four miles.  Thank you Nancy :-)

Feeling blessed to have such a supportive group of women/people in my life.  You know who you are.  For what its worth these are mere words but - Thank you!


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