Monday, May 2, 2011

Quiet and Listen

Since the start of this weight loss journey (16mnths and 76lbs ago)  I've had more questions than answers but I feel like I'm getting ever closer to finding the answers to my questions about who I am, how I got to were I am and how do I continue on this path of health and wellness.  I've never felt more alive in my life.  Truly alive in my quiet moments without distractions, alcohol or brownies.   It's like this journey for me is a religious experience but without religion.  I'm finding my path, my truth, and on my way I'm learning and listening quietly.

Yesterday I ran 6 hilly miles outside early in the morning (part of my training for the 12k that I'll be running in two weeks).  It was the first time I've ever run 6 miles.  I have organized a running group that meets every Saturday, and Chrissy was one of the 4 that picked to run the 6 mile route with me.  Women in the group are at all different levels of running/walking and some chose the short run (I am very impressed as one had surgery not to long ago, another is just starting out again with running and the other is being careful with avoiding a knee injury).  Even though life has thrown each one of them their own 'curve ball' they are not giving up on life and letting there stress or troubles swallow them up and take over.  I think we can be at our strongest when we are faced with adversity in our life (as hard as at may feel in that moment).  

The weather was perfect for the 8am hilly run.  The sun was shining and the temperature was in the 50's.  I was wearing a short sleeve shirt, running capris, my watch to time intervals of 5/1, my ipod and my water bottle running belt.  I live in a rural hilly area so there was no problem finding the hills I was scheduled to run according to my training schedule.  It's such a big difference running outside compared to inside on the treadmill.  Outside I am in my environment with nature and all my senses.  The smells, sounds and a slower pace of life.  It's funny during my run I was thinking about how I drive on these same roads a million times a week it seems and now I'm experiencing them up close in and in person. 

The 6 mile run was tough at times when going up the hills but being with my friend Chrissy made it easier.  We had each other to help pass the time with some conversation mixed in with moments of silence and taking in the sounds and smells around us.  During the quiet moments I felt like I was apart of the environment.  I wasn't just passing through like I do so many times during the week while running errands.  I had moments of comfort and peace that I don't get often enough so it seems.  I'm a busy mom with two young boys in addition to the usual, shopping, cooking etc... so moments of comfort and peace can be rare.   For those that know me I think they would describe me as a laid back person (type B) and I would agree.  I don't get upset about too much and when I do I have a way of hiding it from everyone (so I think). Those are the times I find the hardest to manage.  Those are the moments I would turn to food.  I'm working on changing bad habits by being more in the moment and internalizing my feelings a little less.  In those moments I learn the most about myself. Be quiet and listen - no matter what!

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