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Fear of Falling!

I have many supportive people in my life and I am truly blessed.  On occasion I do get comments (especially from people who have never been obese or people who are currently obese) about why I'm so 'crazy' about these last few lbs.  Why do I have to continue to write everything/log all my food everyday?  

My Answer:  I will gain weight like you've never seen! 

For anyone who has lost weight it doesn't take but a few bites here and there to pack on a pound.  Now let's just say I replaced one healthy dinner with four pieces of pizza; one snack with two cup cakes and another snack with a hot fudge sundae.  - Going beyond my calorie expenditure for the week (eating more than my body burns in that same time period).  For me that could add up to anywhere from 2 - 4lbs.  And that's with eating and exercising well the rest of the time.  I have to eat fewer calories to maintain my weight than someone who is the same height and weight.  Why?  Because my body thinks I'm trying to starve it (and no I'm not cutting my calories crazy low - I'm being very moderate as I exercise allot and if I don't eat enough I start to feel really tired even with proper sleep).  My body has a very, very, very, very, very long history of eating a certain set amount of calories.  Anything lower than that set amount and my body fat is saying what are you doing????  You aren't going to get rid of me so easily.  You need me for energy and to survive (unfortunately our body doesn't realize there is a grocery store on every corner and we don't need to hunt for our food with spears and do manual labor all day long just to survive on a basic level).

How did I lose the first 75+lbs and why are the last 10 so hard to take off? There are a few reasons.

Mentally the first 75 - 80lbs was something that I could not live with no matter what at all costs.  With only having 10lbs left perhaps it's mentally I feel like I'm 'already there'.  What's 10lbs when I've lost 75 -80? I can take that off anytime!  Now where are those cookies I just baked for the kids? - LOL!!

Perhaps it's the comfort eating that is getting to me?  I use food like a drug.  Anytime I'm upset or stressed about something it's so easy to reach for something to fill that whole (insert mass quantities of cupcakes, doughnuts, chocolate or pizza here).  I guess in a way it's like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol only food is a requirement for living so it can get kinda tricky.  I remember early on I could say no to cake and pizza in any situation because I couldn't wait to see the minus on the scale.  I need to get back to that way of thinking.  Meeting my goal at all costs.  The will to lose the weight has to be greater than the need to comfort myself with food.  Accountability is key. I must say the previous post was painful for me and I was hoping it would be a minus but I knew that was not a 100%  probability due to a few food indescretions that I didn't account for (tortilla chips, cheese, mixed nuts).  I need to respect the fear that I can fall off the wagon at any moment while at the same time move forward to my goal.  Several days in a row of eating poorly/in excess could undue all my hard work and then the pattern has been set in the wrong direction of eating to excess and too much high fat, calorie, sugar and refined carbohydrates.  Until I weigh in again..........


Ask yourself are you really truly ready to make changes?


Comments

  1. You are so correct!! I am still here for you and I just ate 2 pcs of pizza and about 6 homemade lemon cookies...ugh...i've been doing great all wk and then caved!! : ( but that's how we live...one meal at a time, one day at a time, and it's nice to be REAL in the process...I know you can do these last 10lbs. but I also know it's going to take longer than the first 70 or so!! yOU CAN DO THIS!! Congrats again on going back to school!

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  2. Thank you so much for the support Mid! Pizza is my downfall and bravo to you for stopping at 2 pcs :-) Getting back on plan should always be the plan and great job in doing that after the pizza and cookies (at least I'm sure you are back on plan right?). Thank you for reading my posts. It's great to connect and share experiences. Cheers!

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