Monday, March 4, 2013

The Bad News and The Good News

The bad news: I gained .6 lbs last week.

The good news: I only gained .6 lbs last week after all the temptations I indulged in last week.



In my recovery process with depression it's slow going it seems.  The feeling of "will I ever feel back to normal?".  Unfortunately my old 'normal' is part of what got me in this mess to begin with.  The all or nothing approach.  When things feel difficult it's because I am not working hard enough.  I need to be methodical and perfectionistic about my goals in order to succeed.  If however I do fail I can say I did everything I could have and I am not to blame for lack of success (but of course I always find some way to blame myself for not succeeding rather than accepting my failure).  The good side of having this type of behaviour/way of thinking is most people are successful in achievements (an 'internal locus of control').  Something I learned in my outpatient program.  The bad side of this for me however is the self judgement I have if I'm not successful.

So how does this tie into weight loss?

It's that method of thinking that got me to lose 80lbs.  I was very, very, very focused. Nothing and no one was going to stop me.  Since my weight loss I've gained 14lbs and now I need to lose that weight again.  My clothes are tight and my thighs are bigger (that's where my weight goes to first).  My jeans are turning into muffin top pants when they were somewhat baggy at my old weight.  I refuse to buy clothes in the next size up so I'm starting to try and focus my attention on weight loss again.  This past week with the .6lb weight gain it's a small victory with all the liquid calories I drank one night and the cookies, brownies and cheese I ate at a family get together earlier last week.  All of my workouts paid off and balanced out the scale so my weight gain was small.

A reminder to myself :-)

When it comes to depression I have less 'get up and go' and the intensity I used to have in my workouts is sub pare to say the least.  I don't feel like I have the same intense focus like I did when I lost the 80lbs initially.  But I need to get it back.  That's what worked for me the first time so I'm hoping to be a success yet again.  Weight loss is a never ending battle.

One pound at a time.  No matter what.

2 comments:

  1. So true...right now I'm going one ounce at a time!

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    Replies
    1. That's all we can do. Baby steps :-)

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