Friday, September 20, 2013

What's Going On?

What's going on? That is a question I've been asking myself for many months since my last post. I was on a roll with the weight loss and then I faltered.

A lot has happened since May of this year. Had a busy summer with my boys and I'm currently taking a Health and Wellness class at one of the local community colleges. I've also watched the numbers on the scale go down and then up. I've sadly had to purchase paints a few sizes up from where I was and I'm feeling like a blimp. I don't have the confidence I once had in my appearance and I feel like I did when I was 80 lbs heavier. I have a few small 'rolls' where there was none and I'm not keen on wearing fitted tops anymore.

A number I haven't seen in a very long time. The numbers
on the scale are going in the wrong direction. UP!
I've been avoiding the scale because I know what it had in store
for me. Sometimes reality sucks. Sigh.... 


The resolve I had when I lost 80 lbs doesn't seem to be there like it once was.  In my last post I commented on how well I was doing on the Jillian Michael's program. My goal was for my next blog post to be a celebration of meeting my goal (the reason why I haven't written a post in so many months). Nothing more embarrassing than saying your going to do something and then fall through. I haven't met my goal.

Currently I have what the Dr. thinks is a pinched nerve in my spine which is causing numbness and pain in my leg. As a result of this condition my exercise regimen is at about 1x per week (over the last 5 - 6 weeks). Before my injury I was following Jillian Michael's program and doing all of her workouts and rocking it! However since my injury I haven't been doing enough exercise and eating more than I should for calories = fat!

So how did I get injured?
Let's just say I wasn't doing a workout but it happened in bed. I'll let your imagination do the rest but I promise you it was nothing in the category of 'gymnastics' and it certainly wasn't something you would read in '50 Shades of Grey'. When I first injured myself I gave it a couple days until I was in more pain than Advil could handle. I had pain and numbness going down my leg to my toes. That led to a trip to the walk in clinic.

The Dr. at the Walk In Clinic was an aged male with a conservative demeanor. He looked like James Earl Jones with a mustache in appearance and had a blank expression on his face. Of course it didn't take long before he asked the question: "So how did this happen?". I paused and wasn't sure what to say. I should of just blurted it out to see if it would have effected his poker face. Of course I was too embarrassed to say. My answer: "I was moving some boxes". I left the appointment with a script for Oxycodone and was on my way. I found the pills seemed to help initially and I thought all was well.

Twenty four hours had passed from the time of being in the Walk In Clinic and I was in excruciating pain. I would have traded any painful experience for what I was feeling at that point. I had my husband bring me to the hospital where I got a shot of morphine in my hip. Of course the question was asked: "So how did this happen?". I was in so much pain I was afraid to use my 'moving boxes' statement. I was afraid there was something serious going on so lying was not an option. I had no choice but to tell what happened. There was unfortunately one small problem. My boys ages 4 and 8 where in the room. I asked the clinician if my husband could talk to her in the hallway as there are little ears in the room. Then my husband blurted out: "It happened in bed" I then said: "I was in bed with him :) " The clinician then followed with a big OOHHHH I see :). I then left the hospital in a little less pain and rested at home.

The day after the hospital visit I went to my primary care Dr. and by then I was a pro. So I thought. The Dr. asked me: "how did this happen?". Then I froze. I sat there and stammered. I started and stopped what seemed like a million times. "I um, um,... We'll I..." Then my Dr. came out with it dead pan: "You were having sex". "Yeh" I said. The Dr. said she was curious and was worried I may be experiencing domestic violence at home (A few weeks previous I was moving a shelf board high up in a closet and it fell on my face - that caused a black eye and a visit to the Dr.). I then left the office with a script for physical therapy and percocet.

My first day of PT (physical therapy) the therapist asked me: "So how did this happen?". This time I was prepared and I kept a deadpan face. My answer: "Sex with my husband". I think this was probably the first time this particular physical therapist heard this explanation as she had this weird expression of surprise on her face. Kind of like when you are drinking a glass of water and someone says something so profound you end up choking on the water or it goes up your nose. I was proud of that moment. I had my game face on and followed through. Mission accomplished with no embarrassment.

Today was my last day of PT and my leg is feeling better but it's still numb and I have intermittent pain. Next week I'm scheduled for an MRI in the hopes to figure out exactly what is going on with my spine and hip.

Can I blame my injury for a lack of weight loss? No, as I'm still putting food in my mouth. My problem is eating at night and not going to bed early enough. I do fairly well with my calories during the day it's eating after supper where I sabotage myself.

Lots of thoughts run through my mind. I keep wanting to do well and meet my goal but apparently wanting isn't enough. In this journey I hope to inspire someone/anyone to make a change for the better. I don't want to let down the countless numbers of people who have sent me words of encouragement or praise in my weight loss efforts/success. When I'm finished with my education I plan on having a career helping people make a positive change in their life. Certainly not a temporary change but a permanent change. For me to advise others in the realm of weight loss I have to 'walk the walk' not just 'talk the talk'.

So what's my next game plan? I'm posting this in hopes to not fail but lose some weight and win some cash along the way. I'm participating in the Jillian Michael's Diet Bet. The way it works is people sign up to join a game or you start your own. You then place your bet. For this particular game it's $30 to play. The Jillian Michael's game starts on September 24th, 2013 and runs until October 22nd, 2013. The objective of the game is to lose 4% of your weight during that time. Those who play and meet their goal split the winnings.

Hoping this isn't just another last ditch attempt to lose weight. I need to get my groove back. I need to 'stick with it' no matter what. I've got to get my game face on.

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