Sonya's Losing It

Finish Every DayRalph Waldo Emerson Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.

Depression is kicking my ass today.

I forced myself to go to the gym this morning when I would rather stay in bed.

I carried on a smile when I saw a familiar face this morning.  While I enjoy seeing people I know and like I had moments of relief when I didn't bump into someone I new.  Saying hi to someone would mean I would have to put on a mask with a smile.  My legs felt like I had bricks attached to them as I ran 3 miles. I didn't want to run but I knew I would feel worse if I went home without that accomplishment.  During my run after the first mile the endorphins kicked in and I felt 'ok' from that time until a little while after I finished my exercise.

So the big question is why am I getting my ass kicked today after doing so well for many weeks after the outpatient program?  Not sure.  There has been a change in my meds as of three weeks ago and I'm sure my hormones are affecting things on some level.  One of the frustrations I have with meds is it can tak…