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Body Parts

CAUTION: I use the F word several times in the text below.  My intention is not to offend anyone but to tell it how I see it in my mind today.

This morning as I was on my way to the gym this song by Pink came on the radio and the words resonated with me "Perfect" (proceed with caution before watching - can be graphic- not for little eyes):

In this process of becoming fit and healthy I feel like I'm learning about my body all over again (for the first time in my life so it seems). There are many positives I have found since losing weight when it comes to my body (many of which I will write about another time).  

On occasion since I've started this journey I've really looked in the mirror. 

In the beginning before I started loosing weight I didn't look in any mirrors other than to put on makeup.  I didn't like getting my picture taken as then I would have to really see my whole self and that for sure wasn't a pretty picture.  There are some people who can be overweight and feel comfortable in their own skin (so I've been told) but I never felt that way in my own skin.    Whenever I would try on clothes in the store I would cringe at the sight of myself.  The rolls of fat and flab were horrible (cottage cheese legs, double chin, flabby arms etc..  not to mention being out of breath from just trying to tie my own shoes after trying on clothes - slip on shoes became my favorite).  It's funny when I was pregnant I felt a little bit more OK about being overweight because prego women are supposed to gain weight (only I was already obese before I got pregnant). 

My first -15lbs
Weight 200lbs
I have spent the majority of my life being fat.  I'm 38 and I started with 'just being chunky' at the age of 8 so that makes 30 years of being overweight (or a poet and I don't even know it :-).  I remember in grade school I would try and diet.  I would ask my mom to buy cottage cheese for my school lunches in the hopes I would lose some weight (of course it didn't work).

The first picture I saw of myself after I started losing weight was in March of last year (2010).  I remember looking at the photos and saying to myself: "wow I've lost some weight (my jeans were really getting baggy - I have those jeans in my closet still as a souvenir)"! I had lost 15lbs at that point and the picture was taken at my sons 1st birthday (Saint Patrick's Day).  Now I look at this picture and my impressions are different.  I don't really see much of a difference compared to the picture of when I was 15lbs heavier.  All I see is someone who is smiling, fat and frumpy.  When this picture was taken I was really happy in the moment but not in that body.

As the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months I look in the mirror and it's alarming sometimes how different I look.  It's amazing how in my head I still feel like the 'fat girl' at certain times but my body is looking very different from the picture in my head.  I have days were I will look in the mirror and make a muscle (my husband calls them pipes - LOL) and admire my hard work. I will then do the same thing on another day and my eye seems to focus on the extra skin/flabby part that hangs from my arm (sounds attractive I know).  Why do we torture ourselves with our appearance? - fat or not?  I suppose that's why the beauty industry, cosmetic surgery and weight loss regimes make so much money off of us?  Is there anything wrong with wanting to feel beautiful? - Heck no! I guess it's a matter of perspective as to what we are willing to pay to achieve that feeling.

On the subject of beauty there is a great website called Operation Beautiful.
In short the idea behind Operation Beautiful is to place a random post-it note on a public bathroom mirror that would say "you are beautiful".

"The Mission"

"The goal of the Operation Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.”  If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is  — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The goal is to get the message out that you are beautiful the way you are."

My little post it note on the mirror:
"You are worth it. You are beautiful."


  1. Hi Sonya!

    I found your blog from the PeerTrainer Before/After site. Thank you for sharing your story. As someone who is trying to eat healthier and lose weight, I really appreciate being able to read about other people who are doing the same.

    Something that has really been bugging me is the loose skin issue, specifically the potential for it my on arms and stomach. I would hate to be stuck with "batwing" arms and a flabby stomach after so much hard work. Is this something that you experienced? Or did your arm and abs firm up when you started exercising and eating better?

    Thanks and have a great day!

  2. hello sonya! i, too, saw you on the peertrainer site. you go girl! i like your blog and have bookmarked it. i've thought of starting a blog, but feel like i don't have time.

    i've been following the old WW program since last july (on my own this time -- i've gone to WW for years off & on). i also have been using peertrainer and i credit it with helping me -- i love the support of my groups etc. so far i've only lost 16 pounds and i need to lose 14 more. it is just such a slow process.

    also, i am training toward running a 5k on 5/1. i have never run anything in my life.

    i'm inspired by you! keep it up!

  3. Another peertrainer referral. Just wanted to say I loved the video and what you had to say in this post. Feeling this way is something we all have to deal with at some point.

  4. Thanks, Sonya for the reminder to encourage one another- we are all beautiful!

  5. Anonymous I posted the answer to your question in a couple of places linked below. One has pictures and the other does not.
    Thank you for being patient in waiting for my response to your question.


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