Sonya's Losing It

This feels like forever as I sit here typing. Forever since I've run. Forever since I've felt strong and confident. Forever since I've fit into my clothes that I purchased after working so hard to lose 80 lbs. I feel like a hamster running on a wheel and I'm going nowhere. As the days and weeks go by I am going to PT for my most recent back injury. I have pain down my right leg that's being caused by my sciatic nerve being pinched. I'm in a really negative mood. I miss my 'old life' of running with friends and feeling strong and powerful. Now I feel like the old fat me who is trying to crawl out of this hole in the ground. I want to be who I've worked hard to be. The fit and trim not the overweight Sonya. Some may say this is sort of a mid life change up. I'll be 42 this year and my goal is to be a personal trainer and group fitness instructor. I want to help people who want to change their life for the better. While I want to do this I feel

Yesterday I weighed myself after skipping a weigh in the week before. I was pleased to see the number on the scale but I wasn't surprised. I had the privilege of going away for 5 days during my spring break. Thankfully my husband was able to take care of the kids while I spent time on the West Coast visiting my close friend (the one I ran the Bay to Breakers Race with a few years ago). Not unlike what many people do on vacation I posted some pictures during my trip on my Facebook page. It's funny how there are so many perceptions based on our Facebook photos. I know I've said to myself: "they seem to have it all together!" "They look like they have the perfect life!" "look at all the activities they are doing with their friends, family and children!" "I hope I'm doing enough for my boys. Maybe what I'm doing isn't enough?" And the insecurities can come flooding in. One of two meals I had during my trip. This was at